Burggie – so könnte die Burqa wieder “ok” sein..
Kirsten Schaal gibt uns eine Idee, wie Burqas (gemeint sind Ganzkörperbekleidung) politisch “o.k.” sein können:
Ich habe erst jetzt herausgefunden, dass Burggie und Slurqa zusammen eine Anspielung auf eine Unterwäschenmarke mit dem Namen “Sloggie” sein sollen. Die Marke wird mit dem Motto “Made in Heaven. First time on earth” beworben. Deswegen auch die weitere Anspielung von Kirsten Schaal:
You don’t have to die to feel you’re in Heaven!
Eine vollständige Kopie des Skripts habe ich hierher.
Jon Stewart : In the year of our Lord 2004, France took a stand against religious accessories, banning yarmulkas, crosses and headscarves from public schools. Now that country wants to go just a pinch further…
[TV Speaker :] President Nicolas Sarkozy is looking at this to perhaps ban the burqa. He said that it is oppressive to women. He says that the burqa is not about religion, it is about lowering the status of women.
Jon Stewart : For more, we turn to the Daily Show’s Senior Women’s Correspondent, Kristen Schaal. Kristen, is Sarkozy correct here, does the burqa lower the status of women ?
Kristen Schaal : Absolutely Jon, the guy who divorced his second wife and immediately shacked up(1) with a supermodel is right ! Women should not be allowed to do things that don’t empower them ! If Carla Bruni had been wearing a burqa when she did all that nude modelling, the president of France may have never fallen in love with her.
JS : Well, that’s… I mean… not exactly true, I’ sure they might have met and gone out for coffee, and had dinner, and…
KS : No. They would have never fallen in love… Saaaad. Think about it, Jon: burqas rob women of their identities. They’re designed so men won’t be tempted by our bodies. It’s crazy, I mean while we’re at it let’s dress up like scarecrows, that lil’ birds won’t be tempted to build nests in our mouths !
JS : I don’t… I don’t think that’s an actual concern of women, so…
KS : Okay, city boy, if you grew up in Colorado like I did, you wouldn’t be saying this. That was a dark time…
JS : Kristen, not all the women are forced to wear the burqas, some might actually choose to wear them, for…
KS : Oh, right, women never wear what they want ! Even in this country, we’re fashion slaves to the men. Why, we also cram our feet in high heels, causing permanent damage to our feet, just to bring our butt and our boobs three inches closer to your eye level. By the way, quick tip, ladies: I find if I have a formal dance to go to, the best way to alleviate smoothly that discomfort is to remove your big and little toe, cram it right in ! Keep those shoes coming Jimmy Shoe, I hate to think cutting off those toes was a mistake! (* gah! *)
JS : Kristen, there’s a difference though between burqas and high heels, they’re gonna ban burqas, high heels is still a choice ?
KS : Hah, right Jon, they’re a “choice”, and I dont have to throw up my food every time I eat because I’m so f***ing fat !
JS : Kristen, first of all, you’re not fat !
KS : Really ? You’re not just… reading that from the teleprompter ?
JS (reads from the teleprompter) : … No.
KS : Thank you… oh, thank you so much ! You’re like my own personal Sarkozy, you give me that littel extra nudge I needed to empower myself. Now I’m a free women ! I get my first free woman reward : yum ! Mayonnaise !
The public : Aaaawwww !
KS (to the public) : Don’t knock it ! Hmmmmm…
JS : You know, they actually make that with the bacon already in it…
KS : Yum !
JS : Yes…
KS : Listen, I’m just saying I wish some forward-thinking male legislator would ban high heels for us. If only for the children…
TV show : …Baby girls can now get a jumpstart on the fashion world with their very own high heels… (female voice:) they’re called “Heelarious and they’re designed for babies up to 6 months of age…
JS : They have high heels for babies ?
KS : Yeah. Isn’t that “Heelarious” ? Whoever designed this doesn’t have a soul and will burn in “Heell”.
JS : Kristen, we may disagree, but I just don’t think that burqas should be outlawaed — no more that they should be mandatory. It should be a choice !
KS : Fine. Let women choose whether or not they want to set themselves back. But if women are going to be wearing burqas, can’t we at least make their lives a little easier ?
JS : Well, how would we do that ?
KS : Comfort, Jon. I give you the “Burggie” (2). Although shiites refer to it as the “Slurqa”. It’s “Heelarious”, the “Burggie” ! You don’t have to die to feel you’re in Heaven !
JS : Thank you, Kristen. Kristen Schaal, everybody. We’ll be right back…
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Tags: burka, Comedy, daily show, Frankreich, Freiheit, Humor, jon stewart, Kirsten Schaal, Religion, USA, Witz
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